Saturday, November 19th, 2005
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1:55 pm - Tribute site
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I am currently in the process of creating a tribute site for Paul. It will have photos as well as a guestbook where you will be able to leave messages for him and his family. Please keep an eye on Just Our Family for the release and URL.
Missing my hero,
-Patience
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, September 28th, 2005
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6:16 am - Ultimate Sacrifice
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On September 26, 2005 SGT Howard Paul Allen made the ultimate sacrifice for his loved ones and his country. The pain that we feel right now is like having a mountain upon our chests. He was such a very large and integral part of all our lives. Paul had come to realize that the civilian world was not for him. The military was his 2nd home. He loved his fellow soldiers as much as he loved us. If there were some magic time machine that could take us back to that tragic day, Paul would of wanted it to go the same. He would of wanted it to be his life instead of that of his teammates. He volunteered for missions so others didn't have to. He wanted to keep busy because it made the time go faster. He fought through every day to come home to his family and start the life as husband and wife that he and I had planned. All the dreams we'd made together.
Where do I even begin to describe the type of person that Paul was. He was complicated on so many levels but he could always make me laugh. He truly loved and cared very deeply for those who have touched his life. He was stubborn and opinionated. He was goofy and a bit dorky at times. He was strong where he needed to be and weak in others. He always had his nose buried in a book and so many nights we'd argue over what to watch on Mondays and Thursdays and it would often lead to him hiding away in the bedroom to watch his pro wrestling. He would wrestle and play around on the floor with Devlin. He taught Edwin how to toughen up and was so proud of him when he was home in July for being a stronger little boy than he was when he left. He was there to hold Caitlyn's hand when she got her ears pierced for the first time and he looked forward to the day when he would be there to see her get married. I can still hear him call her "Pretty".
He made me feel so special in the last year. He would send me letters and leave me IM messages for me to see when I would wake up. He made that extra effort to be there to talk to me every day. He would tell me on my worst days just how beautiful he thought I was. How could you not love a man who would tell you that you looked sexy with a tissue stuffed up your nose and looking like a walrus on bad allergy days? I will always hear, "Ooh baby that look really works for you." every time my allergies get bad. Who's going to pre-cook my mother's day breakfast now? Who's going to make sure every day of my life is just as special as the last? Who am I going to get my strength from now? The answer to the last one is simple.. I promised him. It's the least I can do... Every day he told me, "Stay strong." and every day I told him, "Stay safe."
For you, his friends, he would tell me all kinds of stories and his face would light up when he'd tell me of all your past escapades. He missed "the old days". And he missed his friends. But Paul was a homebody. There was no place he'd rather be than curled up on the couch reading a book with his family nearby. Take your memories of him, the good, the bad and the ugly and hold on to them. Cherish them. Remember that bad ones too because they are what made him human. Remember the good ones so that when you think of him you will laugh and smile.
To anybody else that may read this, he was not just a soldier for his country. He was my husband and my soulmate. The pride I felt for him was never fully described in all the pride shown through my text. Words can never express how much pride and love I felt for him. He was a father. He jumped in with both feet and treated Edwin and Caitlyn as his own. He learned as he went and he made mistakes but one thing was always very clear. He loved his children. Devlin was the light of his life. His face would just light up every time he saw him. His favorite job in the world was being dad. He was a son. He loved his father very much and he was very much his father's son. He was a brother. He wanted the very best for all his siblings. Family meant the world to him even when it seemed he wasn't good at showing it. He was an uncle. He loved his niece and nephews and enjoyed being an uncle.
Paul was a hero to us long before he joined the Army National Guard. I always knew he was somebody special. I always knew he was destined for great things. Now the whole country knows it too and when I am done the whole world will know.
I leave you now with his favorite quote:
I'd rather laugh with the sinners
then cry with the saints
The sinners are much more fun
Only the good die young
Forever in love with SGT Howard Paul Allen,
Patience
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(78 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, September 24th, 2005
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10:18 pm - Long lost friends
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Unlike what this subject might imply with where I am it has nothing to do with anyone over here in Hell giving the ultimate sacrifice and a family being left for no reason other then the president decided he needed to prove he had a bigger dick then his dad.
Ok enough of the politcal grand standing.
I'm writing this because I've been finding ppl that I've lost contact with when I stopped the whole Rocky scene. Adam if you've added me to your journal I've missed you (not that I expect you to remember me just by reading my journals but I remember you) I was the guy back on mill ave who use to do the standing inverted 69 with justin...or if justin wasn't there to sing "you ho" was forced with my terrible voice to sing it.
This experience in Hell has taught me a lot of things one being that your friends are important regardless of if you spoken to them every day for years or have lost touch with many many months or years inbetween. There are very few from the Rocky/SCA days I would piss on if they were on fire however; V, Justin, Adam, even Andy you are all ppl I promise I'll piss on if your on fire...andy may even get a dose after he's out.
I'm sure there are plenty of others out there who I haven't found yet. I hope I do. Those of you out there that may have a fond memory of the geeky crazy wierd guy I was. Drop a line I'd love to hear from you.
Justin just remember (when not in Hell) you need me raise the flag and I'm there....V, I shouldn't need to say that the same goes for you!
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Thursday, September 8th, 2005
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9:47 pm - The Swear Word I am
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Your word is FUCK. You like to come across as rude
and rebellious, and often you do. You also are
intelligent and maybe surprisingly sensitive,
though God help anyone who said that in front
of your friends.
Which Swear (Curse) Word Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, August 31st, 2005
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10:21 pm - epiphanies (or however you spell it)
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Tonight I was talking to a buddy of mine in Hell. The only guy who I truely connect with here. He understands me and I understand him. To the point that when shit really gets bad we're the only ones who can hold each other back and calm each other down...and it all started over who was serving potatoes or soup. (story for another time)
Here's the break through: These guys here that we work with. The ones who we see everyday and work with;even the ones we don't talk to much are family. Their not blood. Their not Chosen. They just are. Period. They are so much so that if something happend to one of his family members I'd be there ina heart beat either watching the door or claiming the right leg that needed to be broken for some transgression. We joked about how we'd even help each other hide the body...the scary part is We were joking yet we weren't.
He told me that if anything happend to any of my kids...didn't matter if "I was dick deep in a chic" He'd be flying to me whereever I was.
These things seem wierd to those of you reading this who haven't been through it. Those of you that have (ie Vietnam, Desert Storm, Somalia, Bosnia) you are sitting there nodding your heads. But those of you who haven't been through might think its horrible we say these things. Might not understand it. When you've gone through this with someone and you hear that they've been hit by an ied (bomb) and you see them and they say "hey what's up" and you let out that breath you didn't know you were holding. Or you feel that bomb go off in your dreams but its not your buddy this time but you there in his place b/c as fucked up as it seems you'd take his place in a second. This is what I mean...this is family.
To all my brothers here in my unit or out of it...You're forever going to be Family...as close to me as my wife, my children.
current mood:  contemplative
current music: toby keith "how do you like me now"
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Monday, June 10th, 2002
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9:16 pm - one of the worse days in a very long time
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Well lets see today just really really really sucked a big long flaming slime smeared donkey dick.
After lunch today my supervisor calls me over to tell me that on one of my monitors they caught something they shouldn't have and considered my second offense of internet abuse. It was the livejournal entry of one of my best friends V. It was something along the lines of a subject of "Long fukking weekend". Nothing big but that one word was enough for them to terminate my employment w/ the American Express company.
The first offense was back in January w/ a porn email I had opened by mistake cuz it said "Hi Paul" so I opened it thinking it was a friend who found me off of Classmates and a call that was monitored caught it before I could delete it.
Anyways I'm back in the finding a job as fast as I can due to bills and a preg. gf and kids that need to have a roof, food, clothes and fun.
Anybody w/ ideas that could help me out or a lead on a job that pays around 11$/hr I'd appreciate it very much.
Oh yea if its more then that I won't bitch.
current mood:  depressed
current music: any ominous classical
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, June 5th, 2002
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5:42 am
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Monday, June 3rd, 2002
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5:11 am - practice, practice, practice
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Well I have finally figured out a way to make lots of money. Its training for new expectant dads. So they know what they're getting into w/ a baby on the way and the midnight feedings and the diaper changes.
Maybe I shouldn't say anymore. One of you ingenious ppl might steal it. Oh Well this is dated a poor mans Patent is better then none at all.
Ok sell them a puppy whose only 7 weeks old! 2,3,4am whining to go out and poop or wanting food. Believe me by the time Devlin gets here I'll be able to get up do what needs to be done and still get to work w/ only a slightly surely disposition.
I honestly think I have a great marketing plan. Think of all those guys whose woman con them into thinking they can handle a kid. Those macho guys who say I can handle anything....ha ha ha...
I think this is a joke woman play on men! We put this screaming, squalling, pooping, hate me when thier older, creature in the vicinity of a guy whose never done it before and watch from a hidden area for the amusement of the oh shit factor.
Any of you marketing geniuses out there who want a partnership let me know we can kick it off we just need a kennel and pregnant dogs!
Ok so its a little far fetched but nobodies perfect!
current mood:  tired
current music: bach *snore*
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, May 24th, 2002
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5:59 am
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This is really funny!
Gothic Cliquey Airhead Heffalump |
<img src="http://www.heffalumps.org/test/airhead.gif" |
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, May 23rd, 2002
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9:22 am
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Wednesday, May 22nd, 2002
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5:15 am - I'm Back!!!!!!!!
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Well after my ado and many months of being away from life online at work I'm now back!
I know half of you are giddgy with joy and the other half just ran for the hills but guess what...."you may not like it, but you better learn to love it".
Life's been moving at a stately pace thru these many long months and the preggers of my gf is progressing normally. I'm having a boy, Devlin Mikhail who is to arrive aprx sept 19th (give or take 10 days).
Now screamin and praying to whatever god you pray to isn't going to change the fact that in a few short months another little Paul is going to be blessing the world w/ his screams and demands. But look on the bright side, Justin isn't having a kids yet...*wink*
current mood:  amused
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Wednesday, January 23rd, 2002
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11:27 am - new analogy
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Ok perspective time...ok this all sounds like i"m having a pity party I know...I'm allowed I've been holding my own for a while w/out complaint...same place to vent and all that this is.
Quick Sand...I have my hands on a branch and am pulling myself up and I get one foot out w/ a loud fart pop sound just to have to put it back down in the shit again for the same process to keep happening...w/ no sign of finding a solid ledge to get out of it. Ish !
someone smack me please I sound like a wet tampon....
...fyi worse then a wet blanket
current mood:  confused
current music: still the babble of amex cust svc rep
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(11 comments | comment on this)
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9:43 am - FREAKING
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I'm about to rip the hair out of my head. This weekend was great Patience got a job everything was clicking into place w/ the kid and the job and Chris and Rayne coming back and all. Then disaster strikes my reality. The job is great but to much for Patience's body this is no fault of hers. If we loose this child I don't know if I can have another. I blame my ex-wife for this. I don't know if she lied, didn't know, actually was, or having wishful thinking when she told me she was preg. 4 of 5 times. However, I do know that I was told 4 times that she miscarried. If that happens here I can't mentally or emotionally keep going thru that. I had this idea when I was younger of having kids like my folks did. I'm 27 now and not getting younger by the day. I don't want to be wheeled into my kids high school graduation. I don't want to be in diapers again until their old enough to buy them for me and have to whip my ass like I had to whip theirs. But its more then that. What if its something I do that causes the miscarriages. I mean if it happens now w/ two different women how can I not sit there and contemplate my culpability in the trajedies. I know rationally this is all BULL SHIT but mentally on emotional side I can't shake the feeling.
I also have to go get a second job so we can pay all our bills plus have money to live on. Noone is hiring for the hours I can work...I've tried every bookstore I know of between McKellips and coutry club and all of mesa to 31st ave and beardsley. I don't want to go back into food service I hated it and my speed sucks especially now that I've been out of it for 2 yrs. I have no idea where to go now. I'm contemplating a video store gig but I don't know if any are hiring and if they are if they'll hire me for the hours I'm available.
Can life get any better then this?!?!?
current mood:  frustrated
current music: the babbling of amex cust svc reps
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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6:19 am
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Tuesday, January 22nd, 2002
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9:22 am - mmmmmmmmmmmm, I just knew I'd taste good
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7:13 am - Life w/ no moeny
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sometime life sucks...got carded today for the smokes and that brought up the question of the card I was using...I explained tht it was my fathers and that I had authorization to use it...and then as the woman was ringing me up and processing the card she was giving me this look like I must really be sorry if at 27 my dad has to give me a crdt card for gas and cig. Hey at least I have a father who is willing to assist me like that you know and (aside from being upset that I need his help of course)I hope I can do the same for my kid when the time comes
current mood:  weird
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(9 comments | comment on this)
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Monday, January 21st, 2002
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7:29 am - SHOCKER
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Thursday, January 17th, 2002
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1:55 pm
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Anyways I find out I'm goin to be a dad and then the Bank comes and tries to take my truck from me cuz I'm a few days late. I've been behind but sheesh come on ppl I'm struggling here to breath. Anyways good news is Patience should have a job relatively soon at a day care if it goes well tomorrow. She will be working at a day care which is good cuz she likes kids and does well w/them. She also would be able to work there after the baby is born.
Good news I can claim the kids on my income taxes due to giving them more then 50% of their support throughout the yr...imagine that me responsible for kids for over a yr....makes the Gods shake I think.
current mood: groggy
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, January 11th, 2002
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7:17 am
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<td> </td><td width="400">You give off bad vibes, and like to have control in any given situation. If you aren't satisfied with something then you don't think anyone else should be either. You'd go pretty far to get what you want, even if it means wiping out human existance! On an upside...you do have sexy horns.
Take The "Which Kevin Smith Male Are You?" Quiz!!</td>
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(comment on this)
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6:26 am
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Well lets see. Yesterday I tracked down thru lj a friend that I've known for nearly ten years now. He and I have shared a lot of things...including suicidal ideations over the same chick. Stupid but we were young. He's still nuts but you gotta love 'im. I can't wait to hear his raspy nasaled whiny voice (j/k) on the radio any day now.
The day is going to be rough...I'm exhausted, drained, just plan feeling crummy and I'm at work before the sun woke up today...there's just something wrong w/ that...I remember days when I wouldn't be coming home until this time...now i'm an old man in my mind (and my gf's) and have to crash before midnight most nites due to getting up between 430 and 5 in the am.
Things at home are going ok. we have tons of food in the house thanks to the generous donation of family.
thats it for now
current mood: melancholy
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(comment on this)
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